Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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