I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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