Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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