peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
