Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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