New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
