i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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