they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
