well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
