I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
