i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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