I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
