i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
