so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
