I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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