How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
