The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
