things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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