you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
