I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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