bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
