This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
