Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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