my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
