I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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