everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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