this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
