marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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