ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize