He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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