i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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