Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
