I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
