Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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