Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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