just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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