evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
