I need to stop coming to work sober
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
