Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
