i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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