This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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