This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
