Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
