i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize