Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
