I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
