Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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