why didn't you poke me back
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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