apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
