Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
