i already hear my dad disowning me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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