I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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