i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize