whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
