Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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