Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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