The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
